The Crank was present at the creation of the online publishing devolution. (In fact, if anyone was writing car reviews online before 1991, the Crank would like to hear from them to arrange the surrender of his crown.)
Why a devolution? Because looking around, much of what passes for auto writing on the Web is an eye-washing waste of pixels. It is the rare auto blog that doesn’t merely masticate and spew barely-altered manufacturer press releases, and even the more serious sites rarely flirt with original journalism, much less season their writing with any detectable style. (I except, of course, the sites that reprint columns from another medium, such as RoadandTrack.com and Dan Neil’s jewels on LATimes.com.) But Henry Manney’s ghost is safe from replacement in our reverence by those who toil first in cyberspace.
Nothing inherent to the medium compels lesser thought or syntax, except that if one is truly good at the craft, other outlets pay more. Which makes some difference, but still doesn’t explain the noticeably lower quality of Web-original work. If a new Neil, Manney, Ezra Dyer, Pete Lyons, or Peter Egan is not forthcoming from the vast Internet, where at least is the next Csaba Csere, for Pete’s sake? Pat Bedard? Joe Lorio? Your name here? It is a puzzlement.
That’s why, when the Crank does find something praiseworthy, he makes sure to point it out, even if they’re competition. And one such is AutoSpies.com. To be sure, their written work is not nearly as strong as can be found even other places on the Web. But this site has gone from 0 to 60 with comparatively alacrity by specializing in that most beguiling of art forms, the spy shot. Jonesing to peep at the latest beauty machine, the newest thing that somebody doesn’t want you to see? Look at Autospies first. Don’t know who they are or how they do it, but do it they do, and consistently.
On a vaguely related subject: The temptation of instant publishing leads many websites either to flirt with or just flat ignore embargoes, a practice that puts the Crank in a mighty lather. If today’s Web writers hope ever to make it to the local magazine rack, they’ll cut that out. Corporate PR folks have long memories, and can ensure your career in print or broadcast is short and unhappy.
Embargo ignorers, you have been warned! Duty done, and now the Crank's lunch will settle well.
September 18, 2008
September 17, 2008
Scylla, Charybdis, meet Mini
As you may have heard, the cheerful gnomes at Mini have showed off a concept crossover – their idea of what an all-wheel-drive, slightly larger, slightly raised Mini would be like.
This is an abomination.
Look, with the possible exception of a nuclear-armed Alabama, what the world needs least right now is another full-line car maker. Whether it’s Porsche going into SUVs and sedans, Lincoln and Cadillac and Buick making trucks, or Volkswagen heaving up Phaetons, the grail of a full-line showroom is actually a blight on the industry, a siren luring companies away from what they do well to crash on the jagged shoals of Mediocrity and Irrelevance.
And the fact that some of these mutants sell well is not an excuse. There’s something called brand equity, and every time a hallowed name is put on a vehicle that’s substandard or out of brand character, the value of the brand is diminished even on the cars that the company does well. Say it with me: Saab 9-7x.
The Crank doesn’t doubt that the Mini crossover would be brand-appropriately quirky. Its asymmetrical design and navigation crystal ball features guarantee this. But at the same time, however quirky-cute it may be, the world:
Doesn’t need another crossover;
Doesn’t need another full-line carmaker;
Doesn’t need another competent company falling victim to niche envy.
And Mini, of all companies – the brand devoted to doing what other companies weren’t doing – should be the last one to wander into crossover territory.
Disappointing? The Crank says yes.
(And yeah, the Crank knows that Mini is just BMW with a plummy accent and a randy boarding-school warden in its past. But BMW should know better. Then again, they built the X6, so maybe not.)
This is an abomination.
Look, with the possible exception of a nuclear-armed Alabama, what the world needs least right now is another full-line car maker. Whether it’s Porsche going into SUVs and sedans, Lincoln and Cadillac and Buick making trucks, or Volkswagen heaving up Phaetons, the grail of a full-line showroom is actually a blight on the industry, a siren luring companies away from what they do well to crash on the jagged shoals of Mediocrity and Irrelevance.
And the fact that some of these mutants sell well is not an excuse. There’s something called brand equity, and every time a hallowed name is put on a vehicle that’s substandard or out of brand character, the value of the brand is diminished even on the cars that the company does well. Say it with me: Saab 9-7x.
The Crank doesn’t doubt that the Mini crossover would be brand-appropriately quirky. Its asymmetrical design and navigation crystal ball features guarantee this. But at the same time, however quirky-cute it may be, the world:
Doesn’t need another crossover;
Doesn’t need another full-line carmaker;
Doesn’t need another competent company falling victim to niche envy.
And Mini, of all companies – the brand devoted to doing what other companies weren’t doing – should be the last one to wander into crossover territory.
Disappointing? The Crank says yes.
(And yeah, the Crank knows that Mini is just BMW with a plummy accent and a randy boarding-school warden in its past. But BMW should know better. Then again, they built the X6, so maybe not.)
September 10, 2008
A Poor Spa Treatment
The Crank’s been watching some Formula One lately. (Okay, he’ll watch Formula One just about any time, especially when it’s at Spa.) Not the most competitive racing in the world, but now and again you get moments of drama and, frankly, injustice. And the Crank *lives* for moments of injustice.
The latest transgression was visited upon Lewis Hamilton at Spa. In a situation where he was clearly trying to avoid an accident, Hamilton cut a chicane and wound up in front of the car he was trying not to hit, Kimi Räikkönen’s Ferrari. Properly, Hamilton did the right thing; he immediately let Räikkönen back past. Then, catching a tow, he set up and executed a clean pass at the next corner.
On review, the stewards of the meeting decided that this was not proper – that Hamilton had managed to gain an advantage by cutting the chicane. Never mind that he was so close to Räikkönen’s gearbox going into the corner that the evasive action was necessary; the fact that he came out of the corner in the same position – on Räikkönen’s gearbox – was somehow deemed to have given Hamilton an advantage.
Sorry, guys, you got this one wrong.
The Crank has a bit of experience with things like this, having pulled a trick or two during his days on the track. When a racer does the wrong thing, he or she should be penalized. But when the stewards do the wrong thing, the driver shouldn’t pay.
Hamilton did the sporting thing and what the rules required: He let the guy by. But as soon as that’s done, the race is back on.
He gets an appeal; let’s hope the board sees the world right.
The latest transgression was visited upon Lewis Hamilton at Spa. In a situation where he was clearly trying to avoid an accident, Hamilton cut a chicane and wound up in front of the car he was trying not to hit, Kimi Räikkönen’s Ferrari. Properly, Hamilton did the right thing; he immediately let Räikkönen back past. Then, catching a tow, he set up and executed a clean pass at the next corner.
On review, the stewards of the meeting decided that this was not proper – that Hamilton had managed to gain an advantage by cutting the chicane. Never mind that he was so close to Räikkönen’s gearbox going into the corner that the evasive action was necessary; the fact that he came out of the corner in the same position – on Räikkönen’s gearbox – was somehow deemed to have given Hamilton an advantage.
Sorry, guys, you got this one wrong.
The Crank has a bit of experience with things like this, having pulled a trick or two during his days on the track. When a racer does the wrong thing, he or she should be penalized. But when the stewards do the wrong thing, the driver shouldn’t pay.
Hamilton did the sporting thing and what the rules required: He let the guy by. But as soon as that’s done, the race is back on.
He gets an appeal; let’s hope the board sees the world right.
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