As you may have heard, the cheerful gnomes at Mini have showed off a concept crossover – their idea of what an all-wheel-drive, slightly larger, slightly raised Mini would be like.
This is an abomination.
Look, with the possible exception of a nuclear-armed Alabama, what the world needs least right now is another full-line car maker. Whether it’s Porsche going into SUVs and sedans, Lincoln and Cadillac and Buick making trucks, or Volkswagen heaving up Phaetons, the grail of a full-line showroom is actually a blight on the industry, a siren luring companies away from what they do well to crash on the jagged shoals of Mediocrity and Irrelevance.
And the fact that some of these mutants sell well is not an excuse. There’s something called brand equity, and every time a hallowed name is put on a vehicle that’s substandard or out of brand character, the value of the brand is diminished even on the cars that the company does well. Say it with me: Saab 9-7x.
The Crank doesn’t doubt that the Mini crossover would be brand-appropriately quirky. Its asymmetrical design and navigation crystal ball features guarantee this. But at the same time, however quirky-cute it may be, the world:
Doesn’t need another crossover;
Doesn’t need another full-line carmaker;
Doesn’t need another competent company falling victim to niche envy.
And Mini, of all companies – the brand devoted to doing what other companies weren’t doing – should be the last one to wander into crossover territory.
Disappointing? The Crank says yes.
(And yeah, the Crank knows that Mini is just BMW with a plummy accent and a randy boarding-school warden in its past. But BMW should know better. Then again, they built the X6, so maybe not.)
